HQ. גשטאלט – מודעות חלק 3 HEBREW SUBTITLES ADDED
part 3 of a two-hour gestalt session to get to know the actress bel baca. the focus here is the "rhythm of contact and withdrawal", alternating between contact with the environment and retreat into the void of "I don't know" to find out what fantasies and new ideas are waiting to pop into consciousness there. at the end of the session, I encourage White to recall the overall journey that has gone through the entire two-hour session. Please open it to find any big picture, model, "gestalt" (meaning "model" in German) that appears throughout the process. if we see the Gestalt worshiper as something like the god of a world that he / she creates moment by moment, then this last step is like a Saturday at the end of the seven days in which the "master" rests and integrates the original idea with everything that unfolded over the remaining six days. this is the theory of the action of aristotle, that the "real" is before the "potential", i.e. the whole encompassing action or gestalt is in some way logically more present than the individual moments of action that unfold along the way. but this is only if the action remains here and now, the "messianic now," in which the knower, the knower, and the knower all participate in unity. in this sense, "god" is this encompassing unity, a synthesis capable of integrating innumerable antitheses from his / her world. bel showed that she wanted and was able to subordinate her ego to this here and now process of awareness, and in this sense her humility was comparable to that of Moses, who gave Moses privileged access to the pine fertilizer, the living word of God. in this way bel joins the chosen ones, those who choose to allow the divine soul to conquer – for a while – the animal soul that usually rules us. from another point of view, if we consider each of the moments here and now on the road as access to another person, person, point of view, or "name" of God, then that last moment of an extended gesture session is the moment of redemption at which God and names , his name, his (ing) name are one.
it is during this last moment of existential action that the seeker allows the existential message of conscious work or dream work to appear and absorb the entire fragmentary kaleidoscopic array of here and now moments that have contributed with their energy to this "strong gestalt". this is also Leibniz's theory of encompassing "monadology" with the integration of all "monads." if everyone here and now is a gestalt, a world, a monad, a living organism, then a gestalt, a monadology or a super-organism is a world of worlds, the body of God. man is such a superorganism, with mind / soul, capable of integrating the fusion of any organ, cell, cell, molecule and atom. maimonides and then st. thomas borrowed this organic theory of action from aristotle and made it the basis of our contemporary judo-christian worldview. Maimonides also uses this theory as a starting point for his theory of prophecy. as this theory is also at the heart of the Stanislav / Brecht dialectical tradition for the training of performers, in this sense a well-trained performer performs a prophetic function for the audience. such a contractor needs to know enough about this mode of work to be able to consciously use it as an engine of their creative work. this puts the horse in front of the cart. of course, this is exactly the opposite of how most performers work, with their insatiable ego hunger for fame and fortune. for more on this topic, see the essays "prophecy here and now" and "decide and decide" on my website, "franklynwepner.com".
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BY FRANKLIN WEPNER September 1, 2006
HOW TO WORK: A GESTALST SOCCER AS A THEATER AND A PROFESSION
GESTALT DREAM WORK AS PREPARATION FOR PERFORMANCE
Since 1975, I have used Gestalt's work on awareness, dreams and personal relationships as a way of training and directing contractors. The basic principle is simple. I use the work of Gestalt to peel the onion layer by layer of social cliches, ego-games and unfinished personal business, and then do the reverse process by restoring the bow in the form of characters or other structures of the artist. The existential message of the dream becomes a super-projection or action of the tragedy, and then I build the way the performer handles the characters and the plot around it.
My usual procedure is to start training with three gestures one-on-one. The first two-hour session deals with the three awareness zones. For the first hour, I just let him tell what he knows, because I want to know how he works before I start getting involved in his life. This is important because as a whole, during Gestalt sessions, we peel on cliches and games to come up with authentic actions, and later we will need all these layers to restore the onion as heroes involved in the unfolding action drama. He needs layers for clichés and play to begin the action in Act 1, as much as we need his authentic action at the end of the dramatic action for Acts fourth and fifth of the tragic drama.
During the second hour of Gestalt's first awareness session, I try to steer him towards the balance of the awareness zones: awareness of the outer zone of the environment, awareness of the inner zone of his body and awareness of the fantasy zone of his daily flows. The second and third gestal sessions are every three hours and each is a typical gestal dream session presented by Fritz Perls at Gestalt Therapy Verbatim. The performer narrates the dream in the here and now, identifies with (plays actions) several of the main images of the dream in dialogues with one another and experiences the rhythm of contact and withdrawal. That is, after each basic dialogue on the polarized sides of himself (the contact part), he is instructed to close his eyes, enter his body awareness and dream day (the withdrawal phase of the rhythm).
Because my goal is theater as well as healing, whenever possible during Gestalt's dream work, I encourage a great deal of expression through sound and movement. I work with a palette of about 200 different types of recorded pieces of music and, when appropriate, ask him if that image or emotional state is part of a movie, what kind of music a soundtrack can be. Then I find something close to it in my palette of musical colors and ask him to express the mood, using the music, along with his vocal and expressive movements. While he does the whole session, I spend most of my time reading close to verbatim and making figures of his postures and movements, as later in work I will hand him all this back and encourage him to explore using it as creative material for acting, dance, or any medium. Recording a session is less useful because then I will have to spend too much time replaying the tapes. Live recording forces me to sort the chaff from the chaff very efficiently, even with the cost of not observing or ticking every detail.
WORK FROM YOUR CENTERS
Following the three introductions in one Gestalt session, session number four is about feedback and discussing the results. I show him in my notes and charts all stages of competitive and unfinished action, and together we look for characters in theatrical literature who have similar patterns of action. Is he a Hamlet or Oedipus type, for example? Unlike the usual practice in acting classes, his first acting job is likely to be a monologue of serious tragedy, as I want him to start with a dramatic action that he can identify with completely. In the process, he uses his main Gestalt moments, such as what Michael Chekhov labeled "psychological gestures" in his book "To the Actor." Perls calls them the "entities" of the patient's personality, or we can say that he works from his "centers", stretching these sounds, movements and psychological motivations in as many creative directions as possible. I watch carefully to make sure he doesn't fake it the way most actors end up doing, since they don't have centers to start with.
Before a performer starts working with others who do improv and stage work, there is an important transitional stage in the work in which I help him feel comfortable using his very personal material of Gestalt freely as creative material. He has to move from viewing himself as a patient to enjoying the role of theater actor, freely using his life as creative material. He must distance himself from the hot personal things, using alienation techniques usually associated with the epic theatrical process of Berthold Brecht. Particularly useful here is the "mock your shape" exercise. First, he performs one of his most personal forms, movements and sounds, and at the same time observes carefully (visually and kinesthetically) exactly what his body and voice are doing. He then moves about ten feet away and looks back from his new position and imagines that he is watching him do what he has just done. Then, in as critical a way as he can risk, he begins to mock that image of himself that makes the form. He uses the form to mock the form, exaggerating it in as grotesque a way as he can risk it. "I see you there, Joe, waving your arms like a fish, not knowing what you're doing, etc., etc." The more cruelty he can risk in his distortions and denials, the more he frees himself from his consciousness and the more the original physical and vocal form gives birth to a family of related forms. Other techniques that help to expand and loosen hot psychological material are: (a) using different types of music as a basis for improvisation; (b) stretching forms into naturalistic short scenes, such as swimming or basketball, or (c) typing short, such as "Yes, but".
One has his core of personalities, and after gaining some distance and flexibility in the use of his material, he is ready to work with other performers on impromptu and stage. I can direct several contractors at the same time, as I know the sources of their personal material. I point them inside and out, so it's not just guesswork and desirable thinking, as in most studios. Here again, there are some exercises that are particularly useful for developing communication between performers and creating a group improvised structure that allows each person to use their personal materials in a creative way. The basic acting or dance improv exercises used by all studios work much better once each performer has a supply of entities to guide his or her research. Mirror exercise and fun mirror exercise are great for making contact and completing the process. In the Mirror Homes Exercise, one performer, the presenter, performs ordinary activities in real life, brushing his teeth, while the partner grotesquely parodies the presenter. In conducting the conductor, the leader makes only movements, while the orchestra makes only sounds that correspond to those movements. The doll exercise is the reverse of the conductor exercise. Lead makes noises as the band functions like string puppets. Each sound from the presenter emits corresponding vibrational movements from the group as if the sounds are being pulled on the strings. The worldwide exercises are an opportunity for one performer to explore using all of Gestalt's personal materials, while the group uses all the improvised techniques above to work with the leaders in their "world". After each performer has done the world exercises, the last exercise in the series is the exercise of worlds without leaders. Here, each performer is both a leader and a follower. The whole group strives to function as a group organism, following "it." Each of them actively turns into a leader and then passively refuses as a leader to enter the world of each other. The result is a profoundly active-passive state, known by philosophers as the middle road, and by performers, as a pure mode of process.
THE THEATER'S IDEA
So far, we have a combination of four different ways of working: (1) individual gesture work as preparation for artistic experience, (2) alienation techniques for distance from hot personal material, (3) group improvisations to make the transition from results to therapy to artistic results; and (4) initial work on characters as close as possible to one's centers. This mix guides the student through a powerful and completely natural, organic introduction to the art of theater. Each artist stays in the personal world he has discovered during his dream job, while expanding and then intertwining this world with the worlds of other artists. In a sense, this process develops the kind of ritual space found in "primitive" tribal societies. The art form is compatible with the lives of its participants, as was probably the case when the small world of Greek politics gave rise to classical Greek tragedies that were in line with the imaginations and personal actions of members of the community. In "The Idea of Theater," Francis Ferguson contrasts the ideal ritual function of theater with today's theaters, which in most cases have lost this organic connection between the community and its artistic forms. Today, we have lost the inclusive "idea of theater" and have to put up with productions that present only what individual blind men can overcome the whole elephant. Ferguson writes,
Drama can only flourish in a scene the size of a person, generally accepted as the focus of life or awareness of his time, and such a focus no longer exists. ,, We have no theater in the classical sense, nor do we see how we could have one. But we can still study cultural landmarks – the drama of Sophocles and Shakespeare, Dante's Divine Comedy – in which the idea of theater is briefly realized, so that we can learn to recognize and appreciate the fragmentary perspectives we have; collecting the pieces, keeping the idea alive in a preliminary, infallible and imposing light analogy. FF225
What we especially lost is exactly what Gestalt's dream job brings us back, the ability to know objects by identifying them totally, and then "saying it with your whole body." This is how Antonin Artaud put it in "Theater and its Double."
We cannot continue to prostitute the idea of a theater whose only value lies in its torturous, magical connection to reality and danger. "Theater and its Double," 89. In our disinterested and inert idea of art, authentic culture is opposed to violently selfish and magical, ie. interesting idea. Because Mexicans seek contact with Manas, forces latent in every form that do not release themselves from contemplation of forms for themselves, but come to life through magical identification with these forms. there, 11
Ferguson and Artaud use theatrical and philosophical jargon to say what Perls says in psychological jargon. Ferguson uses the term "histrionic sensitivity" to mean "identifying with the image and saying it with his whole body." Ferguson also used Aristotle's notion of "perception before prediction" to refer to Perls's notion of pre-Oriental awareness. First, get in touch with reality and then evaluate or add your comments about it.
Aristotle and Frit
Ferguson cites Butcher's translation of Aristotle's Poetics.
The plot is an imitation of the action – for plot I [Aristotle] this is how the incident is understood. But, most important of all is the structure of the incidents. Because tragedy is an imitation not of people, but of action and of life, and life consists in action and its end is a way of action, not quality. The tragedy then is an imitation of action. , through grief and fear that affect the proper purification of these emotions. The plot then is the first principle and seems to be the soul of tragedy. FF229
В подготвителната гещалтска мечта, която правя с всеки изпълнител, често 3-часова сесия завършва с извършено действие, задълбочено прозрение или "екзистенциално послание на съня". Това е „аха“ моментът на силен гещалт. От гледна точка на тази финална идея или действие, всичко, което се е случило преди това по време на тричасовата сесия, води до и е обхваната от този опит на интеграция. Фриц казва на клиентите да се „идентифицират с идващото решение“ като акт на вяра. Това е версията на Фриц за прозрението на Аристотел, че действителното е преди това, което е просто потенциално. Действието, с други думи, по някакъв начин вече се развива от началото на сесията, въпреки че не се появява напълно разпенен до три часа по-късно. Същата представа Аристотел пренесе в представата си за действие в театъра като форма на поетично изкуство. Когато казва „сюжетът е имитация на действието“, той казва, че поредицата от конфликти и резолюции, които водят до окончателния избор или разкритие в трагично действие, по известен начин са имитация на това окончателно прозрение или действие. Те имитират действието в смисъл, че са аналогични на него или съответстват на него. Идеята или действието на драмата съществува на идеално, платонично ниво на истината, на което сценичното действие може в най-добрия случай да съответства само като код или символ. Теологически това означава, че докато човекът е създаден по образа на G-d, той не е G-d и може само да се стреми да интуитира как действа G-d и да се стреми да прояви този процес в своето битие и действия. Доколкото успява в това изкачване, изпълнителят изпълнява ролята, която традиционно се възлага на пророците. Съвременните визионери на театъра като Фъргюсън и Артауд ще се намерят за нищо по-малко от театър, който актуализира нашата пророческа потенциал.
Възгледът на Аристотел за сюжета като имитация на действие оправдава моето използване на мечтаната акция на Гешталт (обелването на лука) като основа за театралния процес (преконституирането на лука като трагично действие). За мечтаните събития, които се разгръщат в течение на три часа, в известен смисъл са сюжетът на трагедия, която е код, наслагване или символ за цялостното действие, идея или екзистенциално послание на сесията на мечтаната работа. Прехвърлям сюжета и действието на мечтаната творба от арената на изцелението към тази на изкуството. Но само в нашето шизоидно, „паднало“, разпокъсано, деритуализирано съвременно общество изкуството и лечението са отделни събития. Humpty Dumpty е паднал от стената и утопичните холистични философи като Хегел се стремят отново да съберат Humpty-Dumpty. За Хегел изкуствата, религията и философията са подразделения на обхващащата сфера на Абсолютния Дух, а общата им диалектическа рамка позволява свободно движение на теорията и практиката от една дисциплина в друга. Терапията с гещалт, която води клиентите от клишета и навици към сферата на чистата мисъл (екзистенциалното послание на съня) чрез творческото използване на образи, има подобни холистични стремежи. Следователно мечтаната работа на Гещалт се поддава перфектно на вида интердисциплинарни манипулации, необходими, за да може тя да послужи като основа на театър, който въплъщава пророческото виждане за "идеята за театър". ВИДЕО НА РАБОТАТА НА БЕЛ БАКА НА СЪВРЕМЕННОСТТА
ВИДЕО И ИЗБОР НА ФРАНКЛИН ВЕПНЪР, 2005 г.
ВЕРБАТИМНИ ЗАБЕЛЕЖКИ НА СЕСИЯТА СА ВКЛЮЧЕНИ В КРАЯ НА НАСТОЯЩОТО ИЗБОР.
Това есе е съпътстващо парче за две DVD-та, които аз излязох на видео през април 2005 г. и завършихте редактирането си през ноември 2005 г. Настоящият два часа на гещалт работи върху „осведомеността“, извършена от млада актриса на име Бел Бака, която наскоро завърши B.A. в Театър в Университета на Централна Флорида. Моята аудитория е предимно тези, които са гледали тези DVD-та, но ще се опитам да направя разбираем за тези, които не са ги виждали. Конкретният процес, който описвам тук, е начин на работа, който въведох в началото на 1975 г. и се занимавах по принцип по същия начин, тъй като първо в Ню Йорк, след това във Филаделфия, после в Израел и сега в Маями, Флорида. Следователно това, което четете тук, е плод на 30-годишен опит. Връщайки се по-далеч от това, Фриц Перлс разработва техниките на гещалт терапията около 1950 г. Връщайки се много по-далеч от това, според моето собствено изследване смятам, че техники, много подобни на тези, се използват в продължение на много много векове в лечебни и религиозни практики навсякъде свят, например в средновековието в юдаизма и християнството от свещеници и равини, които са били изнудващи демони и диббуки – които сега ние обозначаваме като „интроекти“ или „проекции“. И обратно през 500 г. н.е. Хераклит и други философи вече пишеха за логосите (диалектика или дума) и самопрекъсванията на реката на осъзнаването (самопрекъсвания, които сега ние обозначаваме с "тревожност" и "невроза"). Работата на гещалт също има корени в традициите на медитативните практики, като например да се концентрирате върху дишането си в дзенски манастир. „Медитацията“ в този смисъл означава да останете тук и сега и да се занимавате обективно с всичко, което идва в опита ви, както се случва.
Подчертавам дългата история на този процес, тъй като от самото начало искам да поясня, че не правя това, което в днешно време се нарича „терапия“. Нещото "терапия" е скорошно изобретение. Това предполага формално и правно споразумение, при което някой поема отговорност да ръководи живота на някой друг според правилата на определена група хора, които са се създали като организация, за да предоставят пълномощия на своите членове. Тази "терапевтична" стока, която след това може да бъде пусната на пазара като стока, носи големи финансови ползи за практикуващите, независимо дали има голяма стойност за потребителите, които я купуват. Не се основават на никоя световна традиция за мъдрост и морал и с малка отчетност, освен пред членове на една и съща клика, тези морални предприемачи се създават като богове, които се самомодват, движещи се в божествени колесници, задвижвани от платинени кредитни карти, а не истински идеи. В моята работа, от друга страна, моля хората да подпишат споразумение, в което се посочва, че ние изобщо не правим терапия. Информирам ги, че излязох от медицинското училище през 1963 г. и бях изхвърлен от училището за социална работа през 1974 г., че не съм лицензиран терапевт и изобщо не нося отговорност за живота им. Обаждам се на колеги изпълнители, а не пациенти. Казвам на хората от самото начало да не ми се доверяват повече, отколкото те решат, че искат, докато продължаваме в процеса. Всъщност тяхното недоверие към мен е важна част от нашата работа, както видяхте в тези DVD-та на моята работа с Бел Бака. Към този момент през декември 2005 г., и до днес съм правил тази 10-часова поредица от гесталтови семинари едно на едно с около 610 души през последните 30 години, т.е. общо около 6200 часа, в допълнение към другите техники за обучение на изпълнители, които използвам.
(Б) РАБОТА НА БЕЗОПАСНОСТТА НА БЕЛ
Нека да обобщим сега първия час от работата на Бел, това, което аз обозначавам нейната работа по „необучена информираност“. През първия час не „насочих“ работата, тъй като исках да науча откъде започва Бел, как обикновено оперира, когато е сама по себе си в нова, непозната среда. Бел от самото начало ни показа ясно как работи. След няколко минути видяхме като цяло доста добре дефиниран модел ("гещалт"), който започва да се очертава: Бел има тенденция да се вмъква в себе си, да работи до истерично състояние на напрежение и безпокойство и след това да се спасява с някакъв вид избягайте от фентъзи изображение, всичко в рамките на 15 минути! В началото на сесията Бел имаше известен контакт с външната зона, балансиран от известен акцент върху вътрешната зона. Но към края на първия час видяхме, че дори след моята обратна връзка по-голямата част от вниманието й отиде вътре. Режисьорите на гещалт говорят за „дупките“ във функционирането или картата на осъзнаването на човек. В случая на Бел, където може да има очи и уши, ние открихме в началото – до известна степен – дупки вместо това. Особено видяхме как тя е склонна да избягва да гледа директно хората, в частност мен (нейния партньор на сцената).
Позволете ми да бъда много конкретен по въпроса. В началото Бел ограничи контакта си с обекти от външната зона само на няколко секунди, докато се почувства удобно да прекарва много време вътре. Отвън тя видя общите свойства на обектите, които не предизвикаха голям интерес, докато вътре тя се приближи до убедителни подробности. Държейки очите си наполовина затворени, голяма част от времето се вписва в този модел. Например, докато не го посочих, тя не обръща много внимание на цветовете или не дава време за асоциации и фантазии относно обекти в околната среда. Освен това тя е склонна да ограничи естествената прогресия от усещането на даден обект до достигането и докосването до него. Осъзнавайки усещането за студ, например, не се свързваше да посяга към нещо топло, което да облека, докато не направих връзката за нея! Не й обърнах внимание на носните изливания, които продължиха през по-голямата част от сесията и затова вместо кърпичка или парче кърпа, които несъмнено бяха на разположение в рамките на 10 фута от мястото, където тя седеше в собствения си апартамент, Бел използва практически всяка повърхност на ръцете й да се справи с проблема по време на двучасовото видео! Тази тенденция да остане в пашкула си беше особено очевидна, когато стана дума за (или по-скоро да не се занимава) с мен, нейния партньор на сцената. Обикновено тя чакаше, докато не се обърна, за да погледна бързо в посоката си, но след това, когато се обърнах назад в нейната посока, тя отново беше вътре. Никога не съм виждал прерийно куче, но мога да си представя, че сигурно са разработили подобни техники за оцеляване, за да се справят с мароковите вълци по прерията.
Според теорията на Гещалт, хората, които не виждат и не чуват, вероятно ще запълнят празното пространство с въображение по не творчески, саморазрушителен начин, като изпълняват критични преценки на други хора и в същото време проектират критични погледи към другите , След това си представят, че тези други ги съдят критично. Този привичен модел на поведение под нивото на осъзнатост или това, което Ерик Берн е обозначил като "игра, която хората играят", е вредно за актриса, тъй като тя в крайна сметка е толкова заета да се притеснява от това, което публиката мисли за нейната работа, че тя се разсейва от идентифициране с ролята. В случая с Бел на DVD видяхме по класически начин как след около 5 минути работа Бел се изведе в състояние на безпокойство и мрак. Незабавни сълзи! Наред със сълзите дойде срам, тъй като безмилостните прожектирани очи изискват тя да се срамува дори от плач. Скоро Бел се притесни, че няма да е достатъчно привлекателна (за да задоволи проектираните критични очи), а след това асоциациите й я доведоха до поп певицата Кели Кларксън и думите на песента на Clarkson „Поради теб“.
ПЕСЕН: "ИЗТЕГАЙТЕ СИ"
ОТ KELLY CLARKSON, DAVID HODGES, BEN MOODY
Няма да допусна същите грешки, както и ти.
Няма да си позволя да причинявам на сърцето ми толкова нещастия.
Няма да наруша начина, по който сте направили. Паднал си толкова силно.
Научих по трудния начин никога да не го оставя да стигне толкова далеч.
Поради теб никога не се отклонявам твърде много от тротоара.
Поради теб се научих да играя на сигурна страна, за да не се нараня.
Поради теб ми е трудно да се доверя не само на мен, но и на всички около мен.
Заради вас се страхувам.
Губя пътя си и не е много дълго, преди да го посочите.
Не мога да плача, защото знам, че това е слабост в очите ти.
Принуждавам се да фалширам усмивка, смях всеки ден от живота си.
Сърцето ми не може да се счупи, когато дори не беше цяло.
Гледах как умираш. Чух как плачеш всяка вечер в съня си.
Бях толкова млада. Трябваше да знаеш по-добре, отколкото да се облегнеш на мен.
Никога не сте се сещали за никой друг. Току-що видяхте болката си.
И сега плача посред нощ, за същото проклето нещо.
Заради теб, заради теб, заради теб ме е страх.
Поради теб никога не се отклонявам твърде много от тротоара.
Поради теб се научих да играя на сигурна страна, за да не се нараня.
Заради теб се старая да направя всичко, за да забравя всичко.
Поради теб не знам как да пусна някой друг.
Заради теб се срамувам от живота си, защото е празен.
Заради вас се страхувам, заради вас.
Забележете как думите с удебелен шрифт са резултат от усещането, преценявано от критичните очи и как те отвеждат Бел все по-далеч от реалния свят и във въображаем свят на саморазпадане. В това тесно пространство с пашкули Бел се чувства безпомощна да се справи с извънземния свят „навън“, там, където се страхува дори да изглежда. Но това в началото не е проблем, тъй като след като се изгуби вътре в Бел има много да поддържа себе си. Тя никога не се уморява да се съсредоточи върху телесната информираност, „хвърлянето“, например, че контактува в „корема си“. Също така повечето от движенията на тялото й са свързани със себе си, като например да държи ръцете си, да върти пръсти, да се свива на стола, да се увива в кърпа (одеяло за сигурност) и да манипулира малки предмети, близки до себе си. Тя свири на тялото и дишането си, сякаш е акордеон, върви се напред-назад между свиването на дишането и отпускането му, достатъчно само за да поеме малко въздух. Цялата тази ретрофлекция (напрежение и свръхконтрол на тялото й) допринася за нейната тревожност и след известно време ние намираме Бел в състояние на отчаяние, размишляваща за самоубийството на Мерилин Монро в Лос Анджелис на 36 години. Малко след нашата сесия за Гещалт Бел се премести в Ел Ей, в "Холивуд и лоза", както и Мерилин Монро навремето, сега Бел прави кръговете на прослушванията. Явно като Шери (героинята Мерилин Монро играе във филма „Автобусна спирка“) Бел има права линия „посока“, водеща вдясно към Холивуд. Сега, когато тя е там, способността й да генерира мигновена истерия и сълзи вероятно е голямо предимство за нея като актриса – стига тя да не приема всичко това твърде лично и да свърши така, както го направи Мерилин Монро. Друг резултат от всичко това е, че преконтролирайки дишането си и не използвайки много ушите си, Бел започна нашата сесия с много ограничен диапазон от физически и вокални изражения. Физическите й движения бяха по-общи и неясни, а не съсредоточени и специфични, докато гласът й през повечето време беше мек монотонен.
Но за щастие, Бел има изход от пашкула, който върти около себе си. Like Cinderella or like Princess Jasmine in Walt Disney's musical Aladdin, Bel has a heart and a head full of rescue fantasies. Her favorite themes are floating, flying and breaking away, and since she is very musical these themes often enter her mind in the form of song lyrics of pop songs she knows – especially those of Kelly Clarkson. First, the imploding and despair spiral inward like a whirlpool, transporting Bel helplessly into a dark, melancholy void, and then – "it's all so magical!" – along comes the rescue fantasy transporting her – once again passively – "out of the darkness and into the light", like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. In view of all these parallels in the action, I took the liberty in my DVD of inserting into the scenario a scene from Walt Disney's version of Aladdin. Aladdin in this scene arrives on his magic carpet, rescues Princess Jasmine from the castle, and whisks her off to "a whole new world" of out-of-this-world vistas. As an actress Bel, in her emotional and fantasy life, certainly can capitalize on this cyclical roller coaster ride back and forth from self-generated melancholy to self-generated euphoria, so long as she does not lose control of the machine and succumb to despair herself.
(C) GENERAL SUMMARY OF BEL'S
What overall observations can we make? First of all we can say that the work "worked". Bel was open to my direction and despite the monumental obstacle I gave her by putting a Canon XL-2 video camera, with its blinking red light, about 8 feet from her nose she seems to have gotten to some sort of closure during the work. In the language of Gestalt theory we can say that she accomplished a certain "action" during the two hours she spent with me in the here and now. There was a sense of moving forward in all the three zones of awareness, and also there emerged a fluid relationship between the three zones: (1) the outer zone of objects in the environment, (2) the inner zone of body awareness, and (3) the fantasy zone of daydream images. This fluidity of awareness zones reveals a potentially healthy and creative individual, whereas lack of movement between the zones would characterize a brittle, very limited schizoid ("split") personality. Now I'm going to be more specific about Bel's progress and add a bit of interpretation concerning what it all means. But don't worry. In this brief essay I will not say much about the philosophy underlying my work. I won't try to force feed you any particular philosophical or religious system. Of course, to me personally the theory of this work is very important. So if you are interested in hearing more about my take on the process, I hope you will check out some of the interpretive essays I have written where I look at the gestalt process from the perspective of various sects – secular and sacred. Getting back to general observations about Bel's work, here are some prominent trends that I noticed that emerged during the two hours of work on awareness.
(1) Balancing the three zones of awareness leads to "the big picture".
First of all, Bel managed to balance the three zones of awareness by bringing more outer zone focus and a rich fantasy zone experience into her work. In the fantasies she began with small objects that flitted by and then gradually expanded her range to deal in a sustained manner with a particular person (Marilyn Monroe). Finally, she focused on an image of a kitten in some depth. At first Bel's attitude toward other objects and creatures was distant and defensive, but by the end of the session she reached out, touched and acknowledged feeling a need for contact with others. At the end she said, "I need to be closer to people, so I can share a loving feeling." In terms of the theory of drama developed by Aristotle and elaborated by Fergusson in "The Idea of a Theater", we can say that this was an opening action and a reaching out for warmth and love, like the action of a flower when the sun shines in the morning. This need to open and reach out for love was, as Stanislavki would have called it, Bel's "superobjective" in this tragedy. The character Sheri in Bus Stop and the character Blanche in "Streetcar Named Desire" share a similar superobjective. But while Bel and Sheri succeed in overcoming the obstacles and completing the action, Blanche does not succeed in overcoming the obstacles. Blanche is driven back even further inside herself to psychosis by overwhelming environmental factors – especially the obstacles imposed by character Stanley. Why would Aristotle or Stanislavski call the completed action of Bel or Sheri a "tragedy"? Because in some sense the main character undergoes a death and rebirth of ego, or discovers a new point of view about life. The non-contactful insect style ego which needs to spin a cocoon in order to survive in an alien environment must die, we might say, in order that the human child can be born into a loving world inhabited by other human beings, just like so many classical Greek tragedy heroes need to die in order to fulfil their dramatic function.
(2) Good contact results in a wider range of physical and vocal expression.
Another area where Bel demonstrated much progress was in physical expression. Contacting and then finding the voice of each body part led to excellent results. This carried over also into vocal expression. At first she was stuck in a soft monotone, but later she began – to some extent – to vary the pitch, dynamics and tempo. She did this not merely technically like a virtuoso musician, but contactfully in response to here and now momentary concrete physical and emotional needs. In her own life and as an actress this is a technique she also can apply to vocal readings to keep her audience from falling asleep – if she is willing to risk that!
(3) Bel moves from having abstract "ideas about the scene" to living concretely here and now in the moments.
As Bel balanced the outer, inner and fantasy zones of awareness, there was a shift from regarding herself as an ego style Self, a Self with a capital "S", a Self which is a large precious thing that needs to be protected, towards a non-ego self, a self with a small "s", a self which is merely a process of exploring and discovering reality. The Self with its deliberate "ideas about the scene", such as "I am going to die one day" and "don't you dare to reach out and touch strangers", yielded to a less rigid "self as process" which could risk surrendering to the circumstances of each moment. The shift from Self as thing to self as process was an important result of Bel's work today. We saw how this shift of point of view towards that of "the big picture" was, paradoxically, the result of dealing with tiny details of her experience. Her "faith in a grain of mustard seed" (each moment of concrete awareness) was rewarded by holistic progress as she became more and more grounded in reality. Like Sheri in "Bus Stop", she discarded her childish rulebook with its rigid principles, and grasped more holistic ideas, such as "the whole is greater than the sum of the parts" and "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" (of good contact). She discovered that in this wider frame of reference she could find her own support, her own grounding. Being more grounded in reality helped her to deal with the gloom that led to crying at the beginning of the session. As more and more moments of good contact converged into a rich encompassing contact boundary, she no longer had the need to implode into hysterical emotions and a sense of helpless despair.
(4) The "rhythm of contact and withdrawal" leads Bel to an overall action or idea of the session, a "superobjective".
Aside from basic work on awareness itself, the major structural component of Gestalt work is known as "the rhythm of contact and withdrawal". By "contact" in this context is meant awareness of specific objects such that one can say "I see that" or "I hear that". By withdrawal is meant ceasing the "contact" experience and, one might say, "getting lost" without any specific focus. Usually this implies closing one's eyes, going into one's body awareness and allowing a daydream to percolate up from the "fertile void". The new image oftentimes gives rise to personal associations to events from one's life, especially events involving close family relationships in childhood. The Gestalt director then can guide the performer in an exploration of unfinished business involving that relationship. This all happens in the here and now, without stopping to analyze or talk about what is happening. The performer relives the important event as though it is happening in present time, putting himself in one chair and the other person in the other and going back and forth play acting the roles and the dialogue. One cycle of the rhythm of contact and withdrawal constitutes one "beat" of the underlying (dialectical) logic of the dramatic action. During today's session on awareness I led Bel back and forth between the contact stage and the withdrawal stage, through several beats of the action. I do much more of this sort of work during the second and third sessions, where acting out the dream images and dialogues between them deepens the experience. During the first session on awareness I merely ask the performer to shuttle between outer zone and inner zone awareness and give an opportunity for daydreams to emerge along the way.
An indication of how well Bel's work progressed today is the lovely manner in which each cycle of the rhythm of contact and withdrawal led her organically on to the next step and onto the superobjective in what turned out to be the final leap of the series. It was as though a higher or deeper force was propelling the inner logic that was unfolding from the outset. Why did it appear "as though" this was occuring? Answer: because it actually was occuring. There was, "in truth", a higher or deeper force propelling the inner logic that was unfolding from the outset. This, again, is what Stanislavsi means by the word "superobjective". Hence, we can see how dumb it is for actors and directors to expect to grasp the superobjective of a major tragic (or comic) action merely by fooling around with literary minutia or intricate cerebral analyses of a script. Even Brecht demanded that actors first contact their superobjectives before adding on layers of formalist devices and alienation effects to the acting score. Clever shticks, virtuoso technique, literary and intellectual erudition, and "knowing the business" certainly are important in the theater, but an actor (or dancer or singer or poet, etc.) who is floating on the surface of his life in a dinghy full of shticks, information and aboutism is merely paddling aimlessly on the great ocean when it comes to organizing these surface details into a coherent, credible artistic action (Aristotle) or idea (Plato). Rather, an actor needs to discover as many of his own centers as possible, and harness the powers of the great ocean (or whatever you would like to call it in your own cultural context) for his own purposes and the needs of his art. Later stages of this gestalt theater process attempt to do just that. My essays present my own particular way of finding a cultural context for this work within Judaism.
(5) The series of withdrawal images reveals the beats of the action, the "acts" of Bel's tragedy (or comedy).
I will go through the series of withdrawal images with you now, so you can see exactly what I mean by the beats of a dramatic action or superobjective. At the same time, as we examine the content of the images we will notice that other changes also were happening in a way that moved the process more and more profoundly along the banks of an underlying river. At the beginning Bel's images were fleeting, but they became more and more sustained and developed as the focus of her fantasy zone increased. Another gradual shift was from images that served passively as a release from despair to images that involved committed actions that Bel undertook as part of her existential, or some might say "spiritual", attempt to grow. Let's take these images one at a time.
Image 1: the song "Because of You"
During her work on unguided awareness Bel is quite proficient at talking herself into a quagmire of tension and despair. Soon she ends up feeling helpless and judged by critical eyes. Then suddenly pops into her head the Kelly Clarkson song "Because Of You". Miraculously, Bel finds some release from her sense of constriction and helplessness. How does this happen? Certainly the words of the song are not all that cheerful and full of hope. My hypothesis is that suddenly Bel shifts her way of thinking from subjectivity (worrying about causes and effects) to objectivity (dealing with life here and now in a meditative manner). The strong image gives her here and now an objective contact boundary, a strong "gestalt" (pattern, focused idea) to grasp. This releases her from cause and effect style anticipations of painful judgments and imminent catastrophes which might occur in the future. "If", for example, "I do not lose weight or get my lines just right (the cause), then soon people will see me as uninteresting (effect number one) or unattractive (effect number two), and then . . . (effect number three, etc.)!" But now, by involving herself in actually hearing the tune in her head, Bel frees herself from self-interruptions (projections, introjects, demons, etc.). She no longer is possessed. She now is able to use her mind and body in a natural human way to restore balance and homeostasis. Bel relaxes her muscles and soon she is breathing freely and concentrating on the task at hand, contacting the three zones of awareness.
Image 2: passively floating and flying away on a magic carpet
Next, as she begins to discover the power of this new awareness technique, Bel says "I am picturing myself flying". The first time the flying image occurs it is merely a fleeting notion, but the image comes back a little later in a more developed form, and Bel now is able to sustain the focus and see herself lying on her back on the carpet, with her arms outstretched in the shape of what she calls a "cross", passively floating out the window and flying through the air. Nevertheless, the image still is a relatively weak one. For example, there was no music accompanying the image. After the session I asked Bel if she had any musical associations to the image. What came to her mind was the Walt Disney musical animation "Aladdin". But during the work itself Bel did not volunteer any particular musical background. Here is the text of the song Aladdin sings to Princess Jasmine as he whisks her on his magic carpet out of her palace and into a magical new world. I see this song as being entirely appropriate to Bel's state of mind as it appears to me to be at this moment in her work.Therefore, I have taken the liberty of interjecting both the song and the magic carpet ride visual track that accompanies it in the Disney flick into my DVD's of Bel's work. Since my intent here is helping people to grow, and not to make a profit, I hope this use of the Disney clip falls under the heading "fair use".
SONG: "I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD"
FROM WALT DISNEY'S MUSICAL "ALADDIN"
I can show you the world; shining, shimmering, splendid.
Tell me, Princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?
I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder,
over, sideways and under on a magic carpet ride.
A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view.
No one to tell us "no", or where to go, or say we're only dreaming.
A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view.
A dazzling place I never knew.
But when I'm way up here it's crystal clear
that now I'm in a whole new world with you.
Now I'm in a whole new world with you.
Unbelievable sights, indescribable feeling.
Soaring, tumbling, we're weaving through an endless diamond sky.
A whole new world.
Don't you dare close your eyes!
A hundred thousand things to see.
Hold your breath. It gets better.
I'm like a shooting star. I've come so far.
I can't go back to where I used to be.
A whole new world.
Every turn a surprise.
With new horizons to perceive.
Every moment gets better.
I'll chase them anywhere. There's time to spare.
Let me share this whole new world with you.
A whole new world.
A whole new world.
That's where we'll be.
That's where we'll be.
A thrilling chase.
A wondrous place.
For you and me.
(spoken) It's all so magical.
Image 3: actively flying and breaking away with her own wings
A crucial parameter we need to monitor in regard to these daydream images is the extent to which the performer is actively involved rather than being a mere passive victim of circumstances. So far Bel's imagination is becoming stronger, but at the same time so far these images of floating and flying still have Bel casting herself in the role of passive recipient of energies from forces outside herself. But soon another "flying away" image emerges, and this time Bel herself takes responsibility for the action. She daydreams the melody and words of another Kelly Clarkson song, "Break Away".
SONG: "BREAK AWAY"
by M. GERRequilibreplus.com, B. BENANTE, & A. LAVIGNE
Grew up in a small town, and when the rain would fall down I'd just stare out my
Dreamin' of what could be, and if I'd end up happy, I would pray, trying hard to
But when I tried to speak out, felt like no one could hear me.
Wanted to belong here, but something felt so wrong here, so I prayed I could
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
and I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
but I won't forget all the ones that I love.
Want to feel the warm breeze, sleep under a palm tree.
I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change and break away.
Feel the rush of the ocean, get onboard a fast train,
travel on a jet plane, far away and break away.
Buildings with a hundred floors, swinging round revolving doors,
maybe I don't know where they'll take me,
but gotta keep movin' on, movin' on, fly away, break away.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, though it's not easy to tell you goodbye.
I got to make a wish, take a chance, make a change and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun, but I won't forget the place I come from.
I got to make a wish, take a chance, make a change and break away,
break away, break away.
This time Bel herself is having thoughts of actively breaking away from her past and moving on to new adventures – though not without a certain need to hang onto her roots in the past. Her past she now sees as "darkness" and the freedom she is craving is the opposite, "light". Jet planes and buildings with 100 floors are strong attractions to a young actress who is on the verge of pulling up stakes in Florida and heading for the big time in L.A. Also, here we have music with a strong personal connection for Bel. The song articulates two of Bel's urgent needs: "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly. I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky." To breathe and think freely and to reach out to touch and find love are two objectives which are crucial components of Bel's superobjective, two parts of the emerging whole. In terms of the overall tragic/comic action of this two hour gestalt session, we can say that we now are in Act Two of a five act drama. Bel now has a clear objective: to break away into the light. Her obstacles are the forces or demons symbolized by what she regards as "darkness" and "because of you". The action still is far from complete.
Image 4: Marilyn Monroe as symbol of deep personal conflicts
It is only in the next image, that of Marilyn Monroe in "The Seven Year Itch", that finally we have a fully human situation linking specific imagery and emotional needs. This is Act Three of Bel's tragicomedy, and it is no longer just an adolescent cartoon scenario. Now the obstacle ("to disparage myself into a colossal flop") seriously confronts the objective ("to overinflate myself into a superstar"). Bel is moving the action towards an X/-X impasse, a "stuck point" crisis in Act Four. At first Bel can identify superficially with Marilyn Monroe as a happy and attractive star, but soon depressing and ugly thoughts of Marilyn's suicide at age 36 in L.A. intrude and turn the Hollywood dream into a nightmare with which Bel will not identify. From the point of view of her conflict and resultant misery at this point of the action, Bel concludes that the main thing, what she really wants, is "just to be happy". This certainly is a superobjective that seems to resolve the conflict, but actually this superobjective is only a vague and abstract "idea about the scene". Identifying with such an objective as "to be happy" is merely playing a quality of pumped up hysteria. The objective "to be happy" does not imply a series of specific concrete beats that can be used to articulate the action, either as Bel Baca or as any character Bel may want to play in her career as an actress. Marilyn Monroe herself plays a similarly muddled aspiring actress in "Bus Stop". The character Sheri at first is fixated on getting to L.A. at all costs, for the relatively superficial goals of "getting some respect" and attaining lots of success and happiness. But by the end of the movie Sheri resigns herself to dealing with the specific circumstances occasioned by her new relationship with a young man named Beau. Sheri decides that despite all the obstacles it entails from the point of view of her initial program of being a superstar, the prospect of marriage, security and concrete here/now satisfaction with this specific person named Beau affords her a stronger objective than does the vague spectral lure of "Hollywood and Vine". Sheri rips up the abstract roadmap which till then had been a rigid "story of my life", an "idea about the scene", and now she identifies with this emerging new concrete love relationship which here and no is giving her a rich, vital contact experience.
Image 5: a kitten as a love object safe to reach out and touch
Bel herself does not deal with a similar conflict until the next and final image of her session, the image of a blue-eyed very furry kitten. The content of this image is much less dazzling than either the Hollywood studio scene or the life of Marilyn Monroe, but what is new here is no less important in the deeper logic of Bel's existence. For now, for the first time, Bel is no longer only a passive victim of tragic circumstances. She is no longer breaking away blindly in the manner of a teenie bopper. Rather, as a mature woman Bel now is reaching out to another living creature (be it merely a kitten or a grain of mustard seed) with full contact and emotional involvement. How does Bel feel about the kitten? "I love it", she says.
The parallel to the "Bus Stop" movie is striking. When near the end of the movie Sheri's lover "Beau" tries to grab her in the way men have been grabbing her since she was age 12, Sheri takes charge of her life and demands that "this time it should be different", not just being grabbed as an object of someone else's lust. Beau has a similar revelation when he discovers that "kissing someone for serious is scary", scary because it involves authentic contact with another human being and not just blindly grabbing an object you plan to make use of. Like Sheri, who chooses motherhood over L.A., Bel associates reaching out and touching the kitten to holding her sister's baby. The mothering/loving feeling soon generalizes and by the end of the session Bel feels a need to reach out to people in general in a loving way. Perhaps soon Bel will move beyond an either/or conflict in this area towards a higher integration of the opposite sides, but for now the issues are only just emerging into consciousness. Along with this new perspective on life comes a mild explosion into joy and optimism about her life as she anticipates the long journey that "begins with a single step". This is Act Five, the denouement, of Bel's drama, at least on the deeper (or higher) level of the superobjective. We do not have enough current information from Bel to know how this existential action is translating into specific events of her life as it is unfolding now at "Hollywood and Vine" in Los Angeles.
If we look now for general technical terms to summarize Bel's existential journey during our two hours of work, we can say there was a transition from imploding to exploding, from closing in on oneself to opening out to the universe. The session ended with what Gestalt people label a mild "explosion into authentic joy", a shift from gloom to a mild euphoria, as energy tied up in tensing herself and imploding herself became available for living life creatively. This was a mini-satori or enlightenment experience. The implosion process was reversed merely by tuning into the larger context or envelope of here and now experience, the context of life itself. We did not need analytically to meddle with specific events in Bel's childhood or present life. True, in later dreamwork sessions which Bel one day may undertake there would be a place for zeroing in on actual dream images, past relationships and unfinished business, but these individual events are in Gestalt work usually integrated into larger and larger envelopes as a performer or pilgrim gets more and more grounded in the contact boundary and reality itself. Each new conflict along the way leads to its own resolution on a higher level by means of a certain kind of deeper (higher) logic that goes by many names depending upon the point of view of the person doing the theorizing: induction (versus deduction), ascent (on the right side of the tree of life), translation (moving up Jacob's ladder of angels), identifying with the coming solution (Gestalt), the final cause (Aristotle), return to origin via anamnesis (Plato), etc. And so we find that there is no way to avoid dealing with philosophical and religious matters in this work. Secular philosophers talk about how the two sides of a conflict – the thesis and the antithesis – get incorporated into a higher level idea called the synthesis. This way of thinking is known as dialectical thinking, and it forms the basis of most philosophical and religious traditions in the world, east and west. Religious leaders, such as Maimonides or St.Thomas, developed their own vocabularies to deal dialectically with the traditions of their own communities. For example, if we want to use the philosophical framework of Aristotle or Maimonides we could spell out Bel's series of beats as an ascent from conflicted lower, smaller spheres, envelopes or heavens towards encompassing higher and broader spheres of the universe. But I promised not to force feed philosophy or religion in this account. For those who find pondering deep causes of things to be more trouble than it is worth, and for that reason will "pass" on my other essays, this, then, may be the end of our shared journey. I'll conclude this essay now by quoting what Bel had to say about this session when a month or so later I asked her for a "reference". She sent me the following email from L.A. "Be open to a Gestalt session and you'll be amazed. I'd personally recommend Franklyn's Gestalt work to everyone, whether you have a personal emotion or issue you want to work on, or not. Franklyn used this technique in showing me my own awareness paradigm, which in turn helped me in all aspects of my life, including my acting. It served to give me more emotional freedom and helped me grasp the power I have to influence my thoughts, emotions and hence my decisions. Bel Baca, actress, Los Angeles, California, September 2005."
BEL BACA: AWARENESS CONTINUUM
MY NEAR VERBATIM NOTES TAKEN DURING THE WORK
APRIL 17, 2005. THIS SESSION WAS CONDUCTED IN BEL'S APARTMENT. THERE WERE NO OBSERVERS. THE PRESENCE OF HER ROOMMATE MOVING ABOUT OUTSIDE THE ROOM MAY HAVE AFFECTED BEL'S SENSE OF PRIVACY. THE VIDEO CAMERA WAS LEFT RUNNING BY ITSELF THROUGHOUT THE WORK. WE HAD AGREED BEFOREHAND THAT I WOULD TAKE THE TAPE WITH ME AT THE END OF THE SESSION.
UNGUIDED AWARENESS: ONE HOUR
B: Now I am aware of cool air. My feet are on the ground. I'm aware of my tummy, 'cause I just ate. You want physical things?
F: No questions allowed.
B: I'm aware of seeing you all in blue. Now I'm aware of feeling a little anxious 'cause I've never done this. I'm aware of my center. My stomach is anxious. You want more? I feel I have energy, but also my energy is zapped. I feel that often. TWIDDLING HER FINGERS. LONG PAUSE. I'm aware that my eyes look red. I have an irritation. It's from soap. SHE SPENDS MUCH TIME LOOKING DOWN AT THE FLOOR. I'm aware of feeling icky. I don't know why. SLIGHT SMILE. Like I want to cry. SHE CRIES, SNIVELS. IN GENERAL MUCH OF THE TIME BEL'S EYES ARE HALF OPEN. Now I'm aware of feeling embarrassed that I cried. EXHALES DEEPLY, AFTER HOLDING HER BREATH A WHILE. AS A GENERAL PATTERN, I NOTICE THAT BEL SEEMS TO PLAY HER BREATH LIKE AN ACCORDION, HOLDING IT AND THEN RELEASING IT WITHOUT BEING VERY AWARE OF HOW THIS OVERCONTROLLING GENERATES A STATE OF PHYSICAL TENSION AND AN ACCOMPANYING SENSE OF ANXIETY. SHE LEANS FORWequilibreplus.com AND LAUGHS. NOW HER EYES ARE ALMOST CLOSED. I'm aware of thinking it's funny that I cried. DEEP BREATH. I'm aware of feeling constricted, because I'm feeling stuck in my body.
F: I AM CONCERNED LEST SHE WORK HERSELF UP INTO A STATE OF HYSTERIA, BUT I WOULD RATHER NOT INVERVENE. I AM HOPING THAT SHE WILL WORK HER WAY OUT OF THIS IMPLODING. Let me know if you need help. In the meantime go on with what you are aware of.
B: LONG PAUSE I'm aware of the beautiful trees outside, blowing in the wind. I'm aware that I'm a human being, that I'm mortal and that I'll die someday. That makes me feel helpless. I'm looking at my finger nails. Now I'm aware of the taste of this nail polish. It's not good. I'm aware of feeling a little drowsy. I'm aware of the stress I'm putting on my toes. SHE IS PRESSING THEM AGAINST THE RUG. HER NOSE IS DRIPPING NONSTOP, WITH OCCASIONAL DROPS HANGING FROM THE END OF HER NOSE. I'm aware that I'm too aware of bodily feelings as opposed to higher concepts and ideas. MUCH SNIVELING. I'm aware that I probably have fears and anxieties that I need to release. OVERALL: MUCH HOLDING AND THEN RELEASING OF HER BREATH. I'm aware that I'm distrusting of myself and of others in life sometimes.
F: I NOTICE THAT BEL MOST OF THE TIME AVOIDS LOOKING DIRECTLY AT ME. WHEN I TURN BACK TO HER AFTER LOOKING AWAY, SHE QUICKLY TURNS AWAY FROM LOOKING DIRECTLY AT ME.
B: I'm aware that I'm hoping this exercise will help me in some way. PAUSE. I'm aware that I have a song playing in my head.
F: What song is it?
B: "Because Of You". I'm aware that I took a deep breath. That felt good. I'm aware that I'm very conscious of how I look, my body image.
FEEDBACK: AT THIS POINT I STOPPED BEL'S AWARENESS WORK AND GAVE HER FEEDBACK. I WENT OVER ALL OF MY NOTES, POINTING OUT WHAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED TO BE "AWARENESS" ACCORDING TO GESTALT THEORY AND WHAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED TO BE SOME OTHER SORT OF FUNCTIONING, SUCH AS JUDGMENTS, PROJECTIONS AND AVOIDANCES. I POINT OUT THAT SHE IS AVOIDING CONTACTING HER "SCENE PARTNER", WHO IN THIS CASE IS ME. BEL TOOK A FEW MINUTES TO REPLAY THE VIDEO TO SEE HOW WE LOOK DOING THE WORK. THEN WE RESUMED THE UNGUIDED AWARENESS EXERCISE.
B: LONG PAUSE. I'm aware of my face being itchy. I'm aware of you looking at me. AS A MATTER OF FACT, AT THE MOMENT SHE SAID THIS I WAS NOT ACTUALLY LOOKING AT HER. I'm aware of feeling more relaxed. I'm aware of some kind of sound outside. Cars maybe. I'm aware of your shirt. It says "Martin Guitars, Established 1833". Now I'm aware of feeling tired. I'm yawning. SHE IS TOUCHING HER FACE QUITE A BIT. I'm aware that I'm sniveling. I'm aware that I'm more relieved. I'm aware that I am self-conscious, that I am annoyed that I'm sniffling a lot. BEL LOOKS DIRECTLY AT ME FOR PERHAPS THE FIRST TIME. LONG PAUSE. I see that you're wearing glasses and white sox. They look clean. SHE CONTINUES LOOKING AT ME AS I WRITE, BUT WHEN I LOOK UP AT HER SHE QUICKLY LOOKS AWAY. SHE YAWNS. HER VOICE IS SO FAR AN UNEXPRESSIVE MONOTONE MOST OF THE TIME. I'm aware that my nails are pretty. I'm aware that my eyes might be half closed, that I'm smiling and that my shoulders feel sore. I'm aware that I am happy that I am doing this exercise. Now I'm aware that the fan is spinning. I'm aware that last night's show may not have gone well. I was too much in my head. BEL IS AN ACTRESS PERFORMING THE LEAD ROLE AT A LOCAL THEATER EACH NIGHT THIS WEEK. I'm aware of how this bracelet feels on my arm. I'm aware that I am sniffling and that I am touching this bracelet. HER CURLED UP POSITION IN THE CHAIR HAS NOT CHANGED FOR A WHILE. I'm picturing myself flying. I'm looking at that purple back massager IT IS GLASS, ON A TABLE ACROSS THE ROOM. It is very pretty. Now I am picturing what it would be like to touch that piece of paper you are writing on. YAWNS. I'm aware that I just yawned. WITH HER LEGS STILL CURLED UP ON THE CHAIR SHE STRETCHES HER ARMS OVER HER HEAD. I'm aware that I'm stretching. Your pen is an interesting shade of blue. I'm aware of feeling uncomfortable in this chair. I'm aware that I'm trying to keep my eyes more open. RATHER THAN FOCUSING ON OUTER ZONE DETAILS SHE IS FOCUSING ON KEEPING HER EYES OPEN. I'm aware of blue circles on the file box. WHEN I LOOK AWAY BEL LOOKS AT ME. I'm aware that I'm a little tired. I'm aware of what that blanket feels like. SHE DOES NOT GO OVER AND TOUCH IT. I'm aware of how my toes look. I'm aware of your thing holding down your hat, your berette. I AM WEARING A JEWISH STYLE SKULL CAP. BEL IS CHRISTIAN. I'm aware of your curly hair, that your shoes look like they are made of suede leather. SHE MOVES HER TOES UP AND DOWN A FEW TIMES. I'm aware that I am thinking. I am aware that my forehead is probably wrinkled right now. I DO NOT SEE ANY WRINKLES THERE.
AT THIS POINT I STOPPED HER WORK, SO THAT I WOULD AGAIN HAVE TIME TO GIVE FEEDBACK BEFORE THE END OF THE FIRST HOUR. I REVIEWED MY NOTES WITH HER, POINTING OUT WHAT WAS AWARENESS AND WHAT WAS NOT AWARENESS ACCORDING TO THE GESTALT POINT OF VIEW. BREAK: 5 MINUTES
GUIDED AWARENESS: 1 1/2 HOURS
B: I'm aware that I'm holding my hands. I'm aware that I am cold.
F: What can you do about being cold?
B: TAKES BRIGHTLY COLORED TOWEL TO WRAP AROUND HERSELF. CELL PHONE RINGS. I'm aware of my phone making noises. WIND BLOWS THE DOOR WITHIN ITS FRAME SO IT MAKES A THUD. The door made a noise.
F: That's the outer zone. Stay there a while.
B: I'm aware of the green of that shelf. It's a 70's green. It feels smooth. BUT SHE DOESN'T GO OVER TO TOUCH IT. My nails are black. My bracelet is made of brown wood. I'm aware that I'm on camera being filmed.
F: What do you actually see when you look at the camera?
B: I see the red light blinking.
F: Describe the camera.
B: I see a microphone.
F: A "microphone" is a complex idea. It's not something you actually contact. Be like an aboriginal who looks at a camera for the first time. Describe the microphone.
B: It's a black object. It's circular and long. It looks like it's soft.
F: Go and touch it.
B: TOUCHING THE MIC. It's not as soft as I had imagined.
THROUGHOUT THIS SESSION IN BEL'S APARTMENT I MYSELF AM AWARE OF THE SMELL OF CIGARETTE SMOKE SEEPING UNDER HER DOOR. HER ROOMMATE, WHO ALSO IS HER SISTER, SMOKES. WHEN AT THE END OF THE SESSION I MENTIONED THAT SMELL, BEL SAID THAT SHE IS SO USED TO THE SMELL SHE NO LONGER EVEN SMELLS IT.
F: OK, now let's shift over to working on the inner zone. Close your eyes. What are you aware of now in your body?
B: I'm uncomfortable in my gut. Maybe it's anxiety. It's my tummy. I can tell you why.
F: No, not "why". Just tell me "what". What's going on in your stomach?
B: I'm uncomfortable with myself.
F: That's an abstract idea. What is going on physically? Does it feel like hunger?
F: Do you sense something moving there?
B: No. Now I'm letting myself breathe. I feel better. I'm aware that my shoulders are hunched. HER FINGERS ARE IN A FIST.
F: Go into that. Hunch up some more, and make noise, like this. Squeeze your fingers also. I DEMONSTRATE HOLDING MY BREATH AND SQUEEZING, IMPLODING WHILE I BLOCK THE SOUND SO IT CANNOT COME OUT FREELY.
B: FOLLOWS MY EXAMPLE AND CURLS UP ON THE CHAIR.
F: The toes too. Curl your toes also. Now relax. Very good. When you are ready open your eyes and come outside.
B: OPENS HER EYES.
F: What's your reaction now to coming outside into the outer zone?
B: I want to go back inside.
F: What is there that you need?
B: I don't know.
F: What are you aware of now outside?
B: The green cabinet. It has rungs in front, rectangular, like bamboo. And it has a handle that looks like a pinapple. It's yellow, tilted.
F: Good. Now that you see it, let's go onto the next step. Do you have any associations when you look at it. Maybe it reminds you of something, or whatever.
B: It reminds me of when I painted it. If I picked it up it would be heavy. Inside it are videos and jewelry. What do you mean by associations?
F: It could be anything: memories, judgments, images, comments.
B: Like I could imagine little midgets jumping on it?
F: Right. That's called "creative thinking". You go from objectivity to subjectivity, not the other way around. If you do it the other way around it's psychotic thinking. Like maybe you imagine somebody is out to get you and you don't bother actually to see the person at all. OK, let's go back to the inner zone again. This is called the rhythm of contact and withdrawal. The contact part is the outer zone and the withdrawal part is going back into your body and the void inside.
F: Close your eyes now. First of all, are you comfortable in your body? Any tension?
B: I'm not comfortable. My thighs are sore from doing some exercises. If I stretch I'll feel better. SHE STANDS AND STRETCHES, BUT KEEPS HER MOUTH TIGHTLY SHUT AND EMITS NO SOUND AT ALL.
F: What was missing that time? The sound. Would you mind doing it again, but this time add the sound. Do it harder and open your mouth and throat. Let all the parts of your body find a voice. Move your fingers. How does that change the sound? Listen to the sounds. Now your hips. Now your toes. Good.
GRADUALLY SHE ESCAPES FROM THE FROZEN VOCAL MONOTONE SHE HAS BEEN IN MOST OF THE SESSION SO FAR. HER VOICE BECOMES MUCH MORE EXPRESSIVE.
F: Sit down again, please, and close your eyes again. Now we are going to work on the third zone of awareness, the fantasy zone. So far you haven't used your imagination much today. If you don't mind I'd like you to do a daydream. Go on a trip or imagine something. Take your time. You're free to censer, but the more you share the more material we have to work with.
B: I'm imagining I'm lying on my carpet, touching it with my fingers. Then I have my arms spread out like a cross and I float off the floor. I float through the walls and out the window. It's like I'm flying. I land on the roof. I can see the road outside.
F: If the daydream was a movie can you imagine any kind of music that would go with the movie?
B: I am imagining a song, "Break Away" by Kelly Parkstone.
F: Can you sing it?
B: SHE SINGS THE SONG SOFTLY WITH HER EYES CLOSED AT FIRST.
F: Keep your eyes mostly closed and stand up. Dance along with the singing. Find a sound that comes from each body part. Make the sounds as different as possible. High sounds, low sounds, fast sounds, slow sounds, loud sounds, soft sounds. Good. Now zero in on a few key words of the song and drone them over and over. Trip on them and see how they develop.
B: SINGS REPETITIVELY " . . . out of the darkness into the light . . . fly away and break away . . ."
B: I burped. SHE CLOSELY EXAMINES ONE OF HER HAIRS. This hair is split in half. I just ripped it apart. It blew on me. Now I am aware of the red camera light blinking. That light THE CEILING LIGHT WITH FAN ATTACHED TO IT has a string hanging from it. SHE FOCUSES ON A SMALL "FAIRY" SHAPED DOLL ACROSS THE ROOM. The little fairy has feathers blowing on her head. There is a string hanging from her. I can picture touching that.
F: Go over and touch it.
B: It felt nice: hard, solid.
F: Now that you really saw it and contacted it, do you have any associations or thoughts or judgments about it?
B: Once I played a character that takes pleasure in little things. I wish I could be like that. She was not just concerned with herself. She lives each moment.
F: That is what I call "creative thinking". First you contacted the doll and then you got associations about it.
F: Now we're beginning to get some integration of outer zone awareness and fantasy zone awareness. Let's keep going with the rhythm of contact and withdrawal. Close your eyes and go inside one more time. Are you comfortable in your body?
B: Yes. INSTEAD OF CURLING UP ON THE CHAIR BEL NOW IS SITTING UP STRAIGHT WITH HER FEET ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF HER. SHE APPEARS TO BE MUCH MORE RELAXED THAN UP TILL NOW. APPARENTLY SHE NO LONGER IS CONSTRICTING HER BREATHING.
F: Try another daydream. Take your time.
B: I see an image of Marilyn Monroe. She has red glittery shoes and smooth legs. She's wearing her famous white dress, tightened on the waist. Her arms are straight. She has red fingernails. I see her collar bones.
F: What's your reaction to seeing this image? Is it pleasant or unpleasant?
B: Pleasant. She seems happy. She's smiling. She has pretty teeth and lips.
F: What can you say about how this image relates to you?
B: She seems happy but also sad. I know she ended up killing herself.
F: Do you have any associations when you think about the image?
B: I don't know if I want to share them. BEL CRIES. SHE OPENS HER EYES.
F: You have a right to censer and protect your privacy, but is there anything you feel you can share?
B: It's confidential.
F: Does this image tell you anything about what you need in your life?
B: I need to feel accepting of myself and like myself.
F: Would you rather deal with that question today or let it go for now?
B: That may be the area that affects everything. I try to help myself. I use all sorts of techniques, like yoga. I feel bad about myself. I feel I am unattractive. It's due to how I was raised. I need to take responsibility. I don't want to take medication for a chemical imbalance all my life. I just want to be happy.
F: Since our contract today is to work on the awareness exercise and not go into specific problems I want to return now to the rhythm of contact and withdrawal. What are you aware of in the outer zone now?
B: The sound of the wind outside and the door makes noises.
F: Take the wind first. How does the wind sound?
B: The leaves are rustling. It sounds windy.
F: Describe the sound.
B: It's a swishing sound. Also there is the dull roar of traffic.
F: Now the door sound.
B: The door is moving back and forth with the wind.
F: So they are related. What's your reaction to these sounds?
B: I don't like the door noise. The swishing is soothing.
F: You just closed your eyes. You keep wanting to run back into your box. Keep your eyes open for now. How do you encounter me?
B: I'm grateful, but
F: Wait a minute. I forgot to ask you for associations to the wind and the door.
B: The door noise reminds me of people who are angry. The wind is like freedom, nature.
F: What about nature? Do you deal with nature much in your life?
B: I do not have much freedom or nature in my life. I don't go outside. I'm either here in my room or rehearsing or driving.
F: Do you think you should spend more time with nature?
F: And what about the angry people?
B: I think of my roommates. ONE OF BEL'S ROOMMATES IS HER SISTER. They are always cursing. Also, my parents were always angry.
F: Was there a particular reason for that?
B: They hated each other. There was no money. SMILES. Too many kids.
SHE REQUESTS A BATHROOM BREAK.
USUALLY I AM STRICT ABOUT LIMITING THE FIRST SESSION TO TWO HOURS TOTAL. BUT BEL SEEMS TO HAVE TOUCHED ON SOME IMPORTANT AREAS THAT NEED SOME CLOSURE BEFORE WE END THE SESSION. THEREFORE, I OFFER HER THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO ON A WHILE.
F: Actually our time is finished, but we can go on a while if your want. Do you want to stop now or do one more round?
B: One more. I'm cold. SHE WRAPS HERSELF IN THE TOWEL AND CLOSES HER EYES. I curled my toes under. I'm taking deep breaths. I feel good. My head feels itchy. F: Any images coming?
B: I'm picturing my stomach going up and down as I breathe. It feels pleasant. I feel fat and "icky".
F: Keep your eyes half closed, stand up and dance "ickiness". SHE DOES A SILENT IMPROV WHILE WRAPPED IN THE TOWEL. Do it again. Add the sound this time. Open your mouth and your throat. Find the voice of each body part, for example the toes.
B: CLOSES HER EYES. I see a kitten, soft with a lot of fur. It's cute. It has blue eyes and white fur.
F: In the image what is your relation to the kitten?
B: I'm touching it. It's the softest thing I ever felt. I love it.
F: Just stay with the image and see how it develops.
B: I'm holding it.
F: Do you have associations to similar situations?
B: I'm thinking of how it was holding my sister's baby.
F: Does this work tell you anything about what you need?
B: I need to be closer to people, so I can share a loving feeling.
F: Good. We need to end the session soon. If you look back over the whole session, can you find an overall message that you got from today's work?
B: I feel I'm getting a better understanding of myself. I need balance as far as awareness goes, the outer and the inner. Also I need to be closer to people and not so into myself.
F: They are related. Seeing and hearing them helps to relate to them.
B: I used to be that way. A year ago I moved here, to a place where I know no one. When we balanced the awarenesses, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
F: I noticed that you stopped the crying by yourself. What is it about the big picture that stops the crying?
B: We work on the little things and the big picture gets better. Usually I overdo it. I overload myself. A long journey begins with a single step.
F: That's what they say in acting classes. Go in for the moments, the beats. Don't try to eat the whole turkey in one bite. Don't play one big idea about the scene from the beginning till the end. Provide yourself with lots of real things you can contact here and now along the way, lots of outer zone environment objects and inner zone fantasy objects. You need that objectivity to balance all the subjectivity, all that emotional soup that you have a tendency to get lost in. The subjective stuff you are very good at, and a lot of the time that is what the audience wants, but if you do it too much it is overwhelming and boring. You need to give the audience all the realities in a balanced way. And you can't give them what you don't have yourself.