The bad mother-in-law or the mother-in-law is a fairy tale, and the father-in-law who looks at you and checks if you are “good enough” for his son is more a cliché than a real picture. Nevertheless, it is unpleasant if you fail to create a good parent-in-law line right away.
You're not just wondering how this will happen in the future. From time to time you are also afraid that your partner will start to doubt, because the connection with his parents is not so one hundred percent. Therefore, we are presenting you with this article on how to earn with parents-in-law right away. We are expecting an invite to the law dinner – the most typical scenario.
Most of the time, greeting is the most difficult time for someone who is suddenly facing their parents. When will you approach her? How to say hello – only with a handshake or a hug? What to say Do you smile all the time?
Basics: You don't have to think too much. After all, you don't want to suffer and play a role every time. Be like you are. But of course you can and should try to make an open, interesting and friendly impression.
The best way to do this is to greet your parents with a very simple "hello, nice to meet you". You realize: you better win them in the beginning. This is also Duden's recommendation, if the issue is unclear. Even if the win for you may not seem right. If they offer you, you can still change. But it's a matter of respect to get them first, after all, you don't know how they tick that way.
You should also avoid a hug or a kiss. Unless, of course, your partner states that his or her parents are ex-hippies and appreciate an honest embrace.
Otherwise, you don't have to smile all the time, but a positive openness and eye contact in greeting will work wonders for most people.
Visually make a good impression
Meeting with parents can sometimes get the status of a job interview: You don't want to say anything wrong, behave perfectly and make a good impression with your outward appearance. After all, you're not completely wrong – after all, introduce yourself to a stranger you would like to permanently understand.
But you don't have to dress for it. And you don't have to adhere to strict dress codes, as is the case with job interviews and work in some industries. Of course, you should not wear the most worn or torn jeans or even dirty clothes. Even a small top or an extremely short skirt is probably inappropriate. But this must be taken for granted.
Discreet makeup, jewelry that is not very impressive, not too bare skin and clean, normal to slightly fancy clothes is the right "strategy". And why not ask here with the partner, what is the style of the parents themselves? Maybe you have something in the closet, what suits you and what you like to wear.
Also, in terms of personal hygiene, he didn't really have to say too much. It is best to swim well before the meeting. Of course, a full hot shower will do the same. Important: wash your hair. Hairless or greasy hair annoys more people than you think.
As your hands play a big part in a meal, you also need to make sure your nails are covered. And even if it sounds a bit strange, so before a call for food: Brush your teeth again quickly. Thus, you avoid still visually unpleasant residues that hang and guarantee a fresh breath.
As for tattoos and piercings, no matter how preservative and respectable your laws may be, don't hide your "solid" body jewelry. It is up to you and your personality and these relatives you get used to. Otherwise someday a bad alarm will follow.
In conversation with parents-in-law
The right topics of conversation
One of the most important points of the first meeting with the law is definitely the topics of discussion. Almost harder than ever first date is to find topics where you need to make some critical statements and still be interested. Here are some points to consider:
- Even though the night should not be bored with the laws, it is still under the "Little Talk" symbol. This is a casual acquaintance, a careful scan (especially from his parents' side) and not really in-depth conversations. These are very exhaustive and may run the risk of your parents differing from your parents.
- This brings us straight to the issues you need to make a very special arc. These slippery issues do not go with the average laws should be clear. In addition, issues of religion, your and your income, illnesses, ex-partners and political issues or political debates should be avoided.
- Just remember for the night: the talk is silver, the silence is gold. Especially when they say things that you might disagree with and that you want to discuss. You can still do this with other people. Or wait until you get to know each other better. Do not risk the first meeting to cause strife.
- Of course, as you are very interested in yourself, it is not a good strategy to say no at night. Instead, be open and interested in the questions you are asked.
- To answer these questions, you honestly make the most sense. Because if you say something else, you may eventually come out bluffing to improve. And that is exactly what will turn the opposite.
- By the way, you should never be narrow-minded, impatient, or naive during a conversation.
- Topics we suggest, in case an annoying silence makes its rounds and you realize you expect something to say: food, weather, common interests, not your fantastic hobbies, travel and vacations.
Look interesting without boasting
Many parents-in-law pay attention to the external aspects of their son's partner. But here you can't go wrong, as we've already explained. Things are different when it comes to aspects of character and personality. Advantages and positive qualities make all parents happy. After all, your child has only won the best partner.
So, you should appear in a conversation on your sunny side and try to make a bright, weird and smart impression. At least as long as it doesn't look too artificial or even caucasian. Avoid talking at the table with any knowledge from anywhere to emphasize your own intellect. This usually creates rather unpleasant moments for all involved.
Most people eat together when they first get to know each other and this is a good starting point for informal discussions. Their favorite dishes or even a conversation about different cuisines of the country always provide enough material to exchange and experience something at the same time.
Just eating and drinking are good topics where you can also score with some confidential knowledge. You may already have cooking and baking experience or you can enjoy the wine to say something about its production. Cooking is a good place where you can always make a good impression with basic knowledge without it being too unacceptable.
The state of the relationship and the future
Of course, it is not only important for your parents how you are, how you behave and what you care about. They also want to see how you and your son work together. Of course, parents are always wondering how long the relationship will last and in the end they are more likely to stick around or maybe even find the "one" with you. Then maybe they would like to take you on as a new family member and understand. These things are only important to many people.
However, if you are still fresh enough together, curiosity about your relationship can of course bother you somewhat. Therefore, you need to prepare yourself to consider questions in this direction, at least for a while, and to know how you can react or want to react to them. It's best not to cling to statements, but to stress that everything is still fresh and exciting and beautiful, but you never know "as a team you have to play something first". These phrases are reflected and at best cause the two to talk about themselves and their relationship. With which you have cleverly reoriented the subject.
The issue of children often comes quite quickly to the table with parents-in-law (unfortunately). It is also important not to become too specific here. You can imagine having children, mention this. However, do not stick to anything, but you emphasize that the conditions must be right. Above all, try not to say anything that could lead to disagreement or disagreement with your partner. Talking to him in front of his parents is not going well.
As for education and home care, you should be silent anyway. Otherwise, it burns at worst in the case of the mother, that you do everything different from what they do. And this is not a good starting point for a lasting good relationship.
Your own child: one and all your parents
Here's our next point: For parents, kids are usually just "everything." If your partner is a single child and the relationship with his or her parents is stable, then this may be even more true.
Above all, the relationship between him and his mother can be especially strong. Often the mother and son and dad and daughter often get stuck together. With Freud and the so-called Complicated Oedipus, today's psychology no longer explains this phenomenon. Quite simply, there is less conflict with the opposite-sex parent. In addition, sons can be vulnerable and mild to mum, something that is not so good in the nursery or school class and what dad often does less well.
What is important to you anyway: Always remember how important your child is to parents. With this knowledge, it is easier to ignore any sharp comments or critical questions. These may not be personal at all. His parents just feel what they have for you and whether or not they can live up to their expectations (which they usually have, though they may try hard not to).
By the way, avoid provoking your partner against or commenting on your parents. The lure of the "brotherhood" of the laws and his daughter (as well as the groom) is great, but often leads to conflicts with his own partner.
All about food and drink
While mothers are looking, as the bat can be pinched in terms of child-rearing and housekeeping, sex fathers are often happy when their son's partner is not a princess. Tired girls who have the heart in the right place and "don't do it" are welcome.
This does not mean that you should try to prove at dinner, for example, through increased alcohol consumption, that you are not as tiny as you can look. Also, you don't necessarily have to eat a second lot just because you have this offer. Eat your plate, long enough.
By the way, if you don't like eating or avoiding things like meat or fish or basic animal products, be sure to tell them about your partner in advance. On the one hand, it would be a shame for you if you can't enjoy other important parts of the meal, on the other hand, but otherwise it will put your Schweiger parents in a particularly unpleasant situation. And they will in turn think, "But he could have said it earlier."
Flirting, hugging, relaxing – is it possible?
Let's make it short: No matter how fresh you are and how strong the need to constantly love each other or kiss each other – let him stay ahead of his parents. And in front of your parents. So you have, once you are alone again, plenty of time. Just place yourself in their place. Would you like to swing together at the table? The comparison may be restrictive, but it is still justified. So, as you said, hold yourself back until the two are out of sight and arrive.
Gift and non-material prayer materials
If your parents are inviting you, take a small souvenir and present it in the welcome. It's not a task and it shouldn't be terribly expensive, but it's just a nice touch and the best way to say thank you for the invitation. In addition, it immediately solidifies the impression that you are thinking and having "good ways".
Ask your partner better what his or her parents can enjoy. Better than a classic bottle of wine or a box of chocolates, which of course always goes well, are homemade gifts. Will we be homemade, which they can even enjoy together?
But just as important are, above all, the non-material attention itself at night. This means that when you see that there are still things to do in preparation, offer your help. Thank you and make your parents feel like sitting around a table with them. That one can make a sincere compliment. About the food or furnishings of the apartment or house concerned. And that you are just aware of the things that are happening and being said that night. Then nothing can go wrong!