We watched “The Goop Lab” by Gwyneth Paltrow so you don’t have to

The Goop Labis the new Netflix reality TV produced by Gwyneth Paltrow. The show is in line with the actress’s business, Goop, known for promote wellness methods like vagina steam baths, goat milk diets or earthing – or walk barefoot on the ground to cure depression.

In short, a ~ highly scientific ~ approach, which we find in this program where everyone seems obsessed with the quest for perfection. The actress announces it from the first minutes: “For me, everything leads to one thing: self-optimization. We only have one life. How can we make the most of it? ”

This productivist approach to existence infuses every second of the program. We must rejuvenate, eliminate all our neuroses, forget our demons, have better orgasms and even learn to communicate with the dead (if, if) to reach its optimal potential.

To do this, all methods are good – even the craziest. The Goop Lab strives in this way for six episodes to pass often wacky wellness techniques, and with a scientific basis to say the least opaque, for quick fixes.

Some, like meditation or exposure to cold, are in fact ancestral alternative medicine approaches re-marketed for the 1%. Others, such as communication with spirits, are part of the fairground attraction (whether you believe it or not). Still others, such as blood injections into the skin of the face or prolonged ice baths are just dangerous.

In addition to being morally flawed, the series is quite badly designed, since it consists 65% of the time in filming people who cry in leggings.

The principle

In each episode, Goop employees volunteer to try out a technique new age of well-being. The group usually consists of people who want “Learn to breathe better” or “Have less knee pain”, with in the middle someone who suffered the most severe trauma in the history of psychology (like: “my father committed suicide”, “I have never been comfortable with my sexuality” or “I have suffered from chronic anxiety since my birth”).

Each experience is supervised by a specialist in his field and commented by Gwyneth Paltrow and Elise Loehnen, Goop’s content director, always ready to confirm the opinion of her boss.

The rules

  • Always stretch out in a star

  • Wear super coordinated clothes (preferably in pastel shades)

  • Cry frequently and abundantly

  • Panic attack during exercises that are supposed to reduce stress
  • Be thin, young and wealthy

The techniques tested

  • Eating soup in a sachet for several days, a method that is called in some places “precariousness” or “the life of a freelancer”
  • Draw the aura of colleagues with colored pencils to communicate with the dead
  • Have a bad trip
  • Undergo forms of torture that are more generally found in horror films, including an exorcism:

  • Practice “yoga on the ice”, an activity particularly loved by the demons of hell in the series The Good Place.

This is not an image from The Goop Lab.

The episodes

In the first episode, Goop employees decide to confront their worst demons by taking hallucinogenic mushrooms in Jamaica. An episode so stressful that it made us realize that our own worst demons were watching this episode.

What we remember: the only thing worse than confronting your demons by taking mushrooms in Jamaica is undoubtedly to confront your demons by taking mushrooms in Jamaica in front of a television crew. Or confront his demons by taking mushrooms in Jamaica in front of a television crew, while a girl lying 15 centimeters from us is blowing her nose noisily and crying because of her dead father. Or confront his demons by taking mushrooms in Jamaica in front of a television team, while a girl lying 15 centimeters away from us is blowing her nose noisily and crying because of her dead father, WITH OFFICE COLLEAGUES .

Sympa, the seminar of team building.

The second episode, he presents Wim Hof, a guy to whom we completely want to entrust our mental and physical health:

Her tip for curing anxiety and depression? Do ass yoga in the snow and repeat ad nauseam the choreography of The OA:

The experience is a real revelation for its participants, who say they are energized after diving in cold water – it can be seen that these people have never been last in the shower during a ski camp.

The method is presented as miraculous in the episode, and a man even claims to have recovered his motor functions thanks to this technique. Except that stud twist:

Source

It turns out that several people practicing the Wim Hof ​​method have died.

Episode 3 mainly shows women who get to know their genitals and their pleasure better. Honestly, it’s the most informative and the least bullshit of the lot, even if it is hard to believe that Gwyneth Paltrow, who has built an empire around female well-being, does not know the difference between a vulva and a vagina.

The next part is devoted to the worst disease of all, according to Goop: old age. To fight this scourge, all methods are good, including injecting your own blood into your face (it’s called facial vampire and this is not a joke) or having threads that stretch the skin from the inside.

It is in this episode that the following sentence is pronounced: “It cuts cancer and cardiovascular disease in half, but on the other hand, it makes you anorexic.” You choose.

It is also in this episode that we reach a revealing conclusion: to slow down your aging, “Don’t smoke, play sports, sleep”. You read it here first.

In the next chapter, we meet a man who claims to manipulate the energy of his customers. Basically, it’s a magnetizer, but its method is presented as revolutionary and its sessions cost more than 2,500 dollars – but that, we are not told in the series.

The biggest problem with this guy is that he mostly seems to spend half his time petting his clients’ asses.

The series ends in style with the intervention of a medium who looks like Tori Spelling and takes himself for a Windows 95.

His reading attempts are very specific: “Is there anything with a donkey … with Shrek… Or a trip to Mexico…? ” This is the best moment of the episode, since the girl in front of her (the real heroine of the series) does not stop responding to him “…no”.

At one point, the medium said that she had contacted the deceased mother of an employee:

You will never know if his mother also said to him: “Do your laundry.”

This episode is probably the most entertaining, if only for its number of twists. Which makes us think that the series would have done better to abandon all scientific claims and assume methods impossible to prove.

What we learned

  • To be healthy, you have to do sports, eat well and don’t smoke.
  • “What happens after death affects everyone.”
  • If you can’t hear the dead, you are too stuck on your frontal lobe.
  • If you have a serious illness, the most important thing is to want to make it out. Not the drugs.
  • Above all, we discovered that it may be the creator of Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow is the least goop of the world. She spends the whole series laughing and making fun of the techniques tested by her employees. Anyway, this girl is a top scam, and she may have sadistic tendencies: we love it.

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